It rained that day

I have written so much bad about everything around me that good times in life have started becoming delusions. My collage was very eventful barring the fact that i had no successful lady interest convert. So this is a post which has to do a lot about it.

I have smoked, drank and smoked up. So eventually I am sensitized with all kinds of intoxicating agents. Some people say Love ( I feel weird to use this word so call it xyz) is the most wonderful feelings of high. I always looked down rather look down upon people who are the champ propagandist of xyz. Till date my faith has not broken.

But cant claim that it has never been shaken

Summer is vellore are really bad. In particular, just before the sunset. Though the evening became pleasant. I was hardly alone when i used to be in academic area but that evening my friends were busy in some fest preparations.

I had just ordered my regular tea and was sipping it. The i saw a girl coming to cafeteria. I was wondering how come cafeteria was almost deserted. She also ordered tea and sat in the other corner of the cafeteria. The sun was setting and from golden it had become red. Her face wasn't visible as she was sitting between the Seting Sun and me. Its was just the silhouette i could see. Gradually i started paying more attention. Every curve the sunlight was making with her body was almost looking like a perfect stroke by an artist. I was having an intoxicating effect. Her hair wasnt staright sunligt was making it look as golden curls. The summer was making her sweat. Actually if you drink tree, you would know that when the weather is extremely hot, tea rather chaai has a wonderful effect. I seemed i was almost in trans when suddenly she came to me and shook me up.... " Kauti stop staring at me, its making me uncomfortable". It was one of my seniors. She sat next to me and we started talking.

Human beings are really talkative creatures. We can endlessly on most arbit topics which has no practical impact on our or future generations. It was really hot there and she insisted we take a walk. It suddenly became breezy and the temperature became cosy as we got out of food court. And it started raining. Trust me that moment, the smell of rain and the sudden gust of winds along with thick drops of water seemed like a perfect ambiance for xyz. My hyperactive mind ordered me to rush to the footpath shade but my legs refused. So did hers. We were dumb struck. Finally after getting completely drenched i managed to ask her to move into the shade which she promptly ignored. No one uttered a word. We gradually started walking. It was hardly one fifth of a kilometer of walk to next building which neither of us wanted to reach. After some time i felt her hand in mine and walked. It was a feeling i cant describe and trust me it was much above the sensuality part of xyz. It was raining so heavily that visibility was less than five meters. So in fact even though we were walking on open road, the most public place, it seemed only two of us in the eternity. We could hear our heartbeats ( respectively ;)) and the music of rain falling on concrete. We reached a place where she had to take a turn. That was it. She had to go. I stood there. The rain become more and more fierce and suddenly it became very noisy. Seemds the rain is literally hitting the concrete with stick. But the sound seems more like banging on wood. And i opened my eyes.

It was a dream ... Damm it.. it was a dream. It was fuking dream.. damm it

But if xyz is something like that then its definitely the best high.

Title has to be ... WTF

HR sent a mail few days back and a cascade of reminisces sprang up

One of my friends describes himself as Engineer by chance, not by choice. I used to say proudly, I am engineer by choice. A Batchelors in Technology majoring in Biotechnology. It was indeed a choice among other branches. Though the thing is, may be, there was no valid reason for me to make such an un-obvious choice. I studied mathematics purely because i couldn't understand anything other than reproduction in Biology. I am seriously wondering why the hell did have to do it? Even if i hadn't, had it made a difference?

Well the great biotech classes started and began to attain nirvana, the realisation poured, I chose to kill my 4 years copying some biotech notes over copying some electrical formulae or communications wave equations. Was someone writing the plot so that i could say, Hey it is just a chance that i am becoming an engineer.


As time was passing by I had to start finding the options i had after the 8th semester is over. There were certain things which were becoming clear

1. Core company : No core company there for B Tech biotechnology. The science stream companies wont hire you because they cant pay engineers salary and core engineering companies doesn't consider you as engineers .

2. M.Tech : I know what i studied and more over with what i knew, cracking GATE was not even into dreams

3. MS abroad: Well I could take that risk.

4. CAT : Worth giving a shot

5. IT : Yes, this is the place to be. All fart no shit. On top of it, seemed like a glamorous job, good paying, abroad trips, no politics, good culture, good looking girls and the picture seemed really rosy.


Now for the first time in life i made obvious choice. IT and that's how it all started. If you are in a just decent collage, you wont have a problem in getting hired by any of the WITCH companies.

So, Welcome to cognijhaant!It started. I made a loads of un-obvious choices there after and never wondered about them. It has never been useful. Its more than three years i have been working and the bank balance is almost nil. There is no glamour in this industry absolutely none. Culture... huh.. every thing will look rosy till there is a deadline and as the deadline is breached no one cares about the solution and only blame game which goes on for ever. Once in a while i desperately expect to go for abroad on business trips but not even that. And this word expectation which keeps coming up arond appraisal times is one which will bother the most.

Aha so .. thats were it all started. I am filling up my performance appraisal form and instead of thinking what I should write in that spreadsheet i am writing this post. Just a sec, shouldn't we have an appraisal of what have we been doing in our lives. After over three years in the IT my so called the OBVIOUS choice, with none of my wishes even nearing fullfillment, even though i will be giving a high rating to self , when i try to see the broad picture which is still hazy but looks like

" MEETS NO EXPECTATIONS"

Weekend Sucks

Its OK if you feel eerie.

But weekends do suck for me. Not sure how many of you reading this agree but i am sure some will. I have been thinking about this for quite some time. There hasn't been a single movie which i have missed in past one year. Neither there has been a single work deadline which i have slipped. Still when i go back and hit the sack , now what? Time just refuses to roll.

The first thought was loneliness. Human beings are gregarious animals ( our civics teacher told). I go to pubs, raced (carts), movies, party and solo drinking and multi grand phone bills. I dont think I am so lone.

Inability to make friends. Yes this might be one thing. I have been here for past one year and how many friends did i make.Most of my friends are still the ones i had in school. I did have a few great friends in collage and at work but rare. Well i have colleagues. But i think workplace means more of work and less of place. And as goes the Murphys laws there are always better girls in the company.

Age matters. Am I old? I don't think 25 and counting is that old.

I am nothing near a successful professional. Seems not even in route. Actually this is what i felt ( indeed after my analysis). But then success is a relative term and defined by self. The problem seems to be not being satisfied with anything i get. Damm it , something seems to be fundamentally wrong.

Heartbreak.

This was the most common thought which keeps coming. Why has it been like that. Actually things just didn't move. I wonder if its me to be blamed. Or there is something else.Is it something better I can do? Somethings i could have done.........

Its friday 8pm and i am looking forward to nothing.May be Two movies , one tonight and another tomorrow 11am. some 100th circumventing tour of Hyderabad on MMTS and may be cooling off with some whiskey in my airy balcony house.

Have a great weekend.

Senthil Kaun Hai

Read at your own risk !!! And please don't disturb me if you know me personally.

You are allowed to use comments section.

Well i have been having almost negative social life for quite some time. I saw a shit movie "Anthony kaun hai" and trust me nothing other than the name was anything near interesting. And then i had this crooked idea of this post " Senthil kaun hai". Actually Senthil or murgan or balaji , well cant recollect any more. They are just so many of these three. Six years and I am still wondering who is Senthil. This can reflect my poor understanding abilities as told by Senthil. "Thambi,, you don't have the maturity and intellectual capacity to understand his movies". So I decided that i will proove Senthil anna wrong. Watched a few movies of the Superstar err SuprAstar but in vain. Indeed seems like I don't have the capacity Senthil was talking about. Somehow not only me, my friends ( which did include a few senthils and balajis) also couldn't find them intellectually stimulating but hilarious indeed.
Since this is about Senthil and Mr Suprastar is an integral part of his Personal life ( at least he thinks so) so i had to mention it.

Senthil never intends to make any harm. Trust me he is always ready to get into an altercation but never a physical fight. I spent 6 years with so many of them and numerous altercations/cold wars starting from reasons for not ragging a junior Senthil to high level fucked up politics to lead a fest in collage. Under normal circumstances anyone else could have become or tried becoming the Macho but Senthil never does that. He will use all his abuses in the language only Senthils can understand.

Well if u bump into someone and you think he might be Senthil, use this checklist

• Does not know the capital of Chattisgarh but knows exact timings in each of the US state even the schedules of Day Light savings
  
• Always keeps comb in his back pocket and never misses a chance to brush hair
• Uses significant amount of Fair and Lovely and a lot of talcom powder
  
• Best filams ever produced are Sivaji and Chandramukhi. Maccha you should see the acting there. I(he) paid 700 rupees to get a ticket of Sivaji.
• He puts on more gold on his body than the weight of idlys you can have in your breakfast
• He strongly believes bathing is a wastage of water
  
• He will take auto only if has a music deck
• Hindi is NOT national language and is always ready to start a dharna in office for the same
• The best engineering collage on earth is Anna University and a poor second could be IIT chennai
• The name is not Rajanikant its Superstar Rajanikant.

Well time to run.............

Retrospect!! ( n - 3 )

Engineer finally. Getting 180 ( that's a guess ) credits wasn't easy though but actually it was. To be honest it was damm easy. You need to have good friends who can provide notes days before exams or provide crash courses right before the exams and even provide you with 5 points for a long answer question in restroom. Well you can definitely manage around eight GPA if you are in the right place or around six GPA if you are in wrong place.

The problem is once you get used to not studying its really very tough to make you study later. And trust me, higher the semester number, less are the chances to change.And when it is seventh semester and an IT job in hand( because no other sector can find you useful ) its even more daunting. So was the case of protein engineering . Trust me , Bio Process engineering, Metabolic engineering and loads of alien words suffixed with engineering seemed to be the same and lot more , you will agree continue to be so.

So the story begins when first mid sem was over and the prof was showing the papers. I have faced a lot of sadistic instances but i never saw such an extravaganza of sadistic pleasure being gulped by an individual. He literally discussed the statistics of grade distribution in class was very happy in announcing the median lied well below 30 percent. Soon he realised that he should add toppings to his sadistic extravaganza started calling out names and distributing the answer sheets. Sudhanshu's name was also announced and smilingly he stood up to collect his papers. I exactly remember the change of expressions he had and quietly came and sat. The nearest analogy i can make is i cant make. Its like you have been dancing thinking that you had grass only to understand that there was none in your joint and all around you know that u didn't have grass and have been dancing crazy. I being as over enthusiast snatched his paper was did burst out laughing seeing his single digit marks nine. Goddamm... 9... How can someone get that.I had mixed feelings but definitely it was real fun. We made sudhanshu feel as if he did something which he should be ashamed of and indeed very confused. This made us even more fierce and all the gracious comments poured in.

Kautilya, yes kautilya and the prof already started looking towards the back benches and I just went up to collect to papers.I was back to my seat and tried to behave as normal as possible. And in a split of a second sudhanshu snatches the paper only to show his devilish smile and in a triumphant tone " Sala Kauti... 8... ha ha ha" and bang! all his agony and sadness and all the verbs defining his demoralised, sad and enervated state vanished rather replaced by the antonyms. By God, 8 even i couldn't believe that.
The winning smile and indeed among 9 on 50 and 8 on 50 , 9 is 2 percent better.No one cared neither did we but yeah sudhanshu was back to his Chai and Cigarette mood.

Though education didn't work our great but we rocked!!

Sex at seventeen degrees

Nice topic isn't it ?

Well its not about sex and since you have come here , lets talk.

Sometimes when i am upset i laugh out and close my eyes thinking all will be fine. Well in most of the cases it doesn't happen so. Like any cycle , the same same issue comes back again.When it comes again the urgency is more and the issue cant be avoided. Though in mean time i am more equipped with experience but the trade off remains same. So I make a decision. Decision which matters. I have herd people say, you made a wrong decision. I strongly feel , no one makes a wrong decision. If I know the decision is wrong i would never make it.

Interestingly, logic always take back seat while making decisions when is comes to some decision which effects you life. So what matters. Primarily , BIAS. Bias in not as bad as everyone thinks. Its so wierd when people say one shouldn't be biased while making decisions. Such a paradox. If you become indifferent which is practically impossible , why the hell do you need to take a decision. So yes bias is very important.

Circumstances. Another very interesting word. Most of the times it is considered excuse for a so called bad decision but in fact this is something which guides the decision.

I don't know what have i been writing but one thing i remember my friend told me when i was about to take one decision, By all rules of aerodynamics a Beetle fly cant fly but alas beetle fly doesn't know that and happily keeps flying.

Saffronization

Breaking news, Chnadrayaan launched successfully, India becoming hub for Medical Tourism and Delhites performing yagna ( major hindu ritual) to get rid of Kala Bandar. Bang!! Though is a scene of a flop hindi movie but interestingly so true.

Take any of the filmy drama or serials coming in any channels. All will show some religious family with a family Saffron Man. It is interesting to note all these started mostly in last few decades. Why this man becomes so important who takes all worries away?

Well lets take up Babari Masjid Demolition. It is very clear that the Mosque was there for years and i am quite sure no was of the present era was present centuries ago to communicate if there existed a temple there. And please no mythical evidences. People were living peacefully in ayodhya before and after the incident. And if they were not , has the peace increase or decreased in that region? All religions claim ultimate peace and salvation as the aim of human life. So was it done for any such reason. I don't see that being a reason. So who benefited Hindu people, Muslims or someone else.

Again past is past come to a more recent incident . Post godhra riots in Gujraat. The political party in power before remained and actually it didn't need the riots to be in power. The opposition? No way. The government machinery cant be used so effectively by opposition. So again who benefited remains a question.

Rama Sene incident in Mangalore. Well do i need to say anything.

So who is benefiting. I feel its the Saffrons in a split of a second taught comes, isn't it same as the Green Taliban. How is it difference. If we trace the groth of Green , it has been similar. They also masked themselves with some political alignance and what they are today, i dont think it needs any description.

Some people take advantage of these colors may be saffron or green. In India its Saffron and other place its green. They think they are using the saffrons to rise to power but in fact what is happening is Saffrons are using them to their sough after recognitions by everyone. Who doesn't want to remove a Peepal Tree which stands in middle of a busy road which cause unnecessary heavy traffic . But no, the saffrons come spirited up with their soma ras and beat up the people who try to clear.

Some people profess Hinduism is a way of life. Quite possible . But is saffron a part of Hinduism. No way. Never. Some day if some saffron lunatics plan another Malegaon, who the hell can tell its very different from 26/11.

House hunt

One fine evening, which was not so fine i returned from office to see my landlord roaming around my house. A rented single room which has nothing other than elements of nature and i paid 6500 per month. Now the guy tells me saham you will have to move to another room. I was shocked to see the room where hardly any light or fresh air could enter. Well the statement was clear, " Kauti start looking for a new place to move in.

Two weekends passed by and i was quite late to realize how deep shitted i was. For last for days, every evening i was roaming hours with brokers ( i mean house brokers) to fine a decent, then ok and finally any place. First thing, if you are a bachelor , you forfeit all rights to live in a decent society or decently looking house. If you get a chance to see any house in a good society, other look at you as if you are some relative of osama bin laden. If you are luckier, and you get a house, the rent charged will be atleast one and a half times of what so called families pay. I was beginning to feel as if I need to get married to get into a decent house.

Whole of this sunday 10 am till 3 without food i was roaming in all wierd and dusty streets and seening only pigeon holes or age old buildings. I wonder , people have forgotten the fact that we are not born married. More over for guys working in IT company it takes almost 4 - 5 years to get married. Five days of the week you will never know if we even stay in that damm house . Saturday get up late, one night party out and probably one night inhouse party.

Our contribution to economy is the largets. Its mostly the batchelors who work hard in office and get the money. So guys please, dont make it any more sick!!!